Getting Myself Back: Refocused, Recentered
Two years for a brand seems like a short time. But two years of constant growth as a woman and creative seems like forever. I learned things I didn't know I would, and I've shared those lessons here. None of them, however, have been as valuable, on this journey, as lessons of identity and purpose have been.
It's easy to get lost in the sauce on the internet. To lose focus. To lose hope. To get tired. In this short time, I experience all of that. I got lost seeking validation for something God already confirmed. Lost trying to get likes and approval for moves God already orchestrated. Lost trying to be like, write like, promote like, and have followers like those I looked up to; working hard to mimic the success of those I admired.
In year two I experienced that, and in year two I realized that it's is not okay. So here I am, vowing to get myself back. To stop saying what I think you want to hear, but what you need to hear. To stop trying to be a mentor—which is something I am not—and to dedicate time to becoming myself again. To using my voice as just that: a voice. As God's scribe. As the friend in your ear. I'm no longer in this for the recognition—something I admittedly got lost searching for—but to inspire. To be an instant homegirl and your fake cousin. Because that's what I signed up to be. Not above anyone, not to teach anyone, but to learn with you. To figure it out together. And to share our stories as we do just that.
I won't always be proper. I won't always be the saint you may be hoping to see. And I will no longer try to be that. But in this next year, I vow to be more of myself. Whether I'm recording a podcast to Back That Azz Up (my real friends know!), or We Give You Glory, I vow to give you my entire heart again. I promise to do so with sometimes poise and always passion.
I vow to give you DEAR QUEENS from my heart, just like I did when it was first conceived. Because seeking validation for a medium I created to inspire hasn't worked; God showed me clear as day that it never will. He reminded me that notoriety isn't what I started this for. Wishing for a catchy byline and an incredible writer's bio isn't what I did this for. And I refuse to continue pretending it was. Acting like that's my end goal. Faking like 'writer' is the title I wanted when I launched this. Yes, I love writing, but this was meant to be more than just writing—I didn't want to just be a writer, I wanted to be a change agent in the lives of women and girls longing for love and purpose.