Here's to a Summer of Me

I'm always good is usually what I say to mask my own trials, while I reach out to others during theirs. It's how I excuse myself for worrying more about others than myself. "I'm always good," I say to uplift myself, as I lend an ear to others, make plans to get their mind off their troubles, and become whatever it is they need to get them through the moment they're going through. Even when all I want to do is handle my own moment.

I find myself trying to make sure everyone around me is happy — often times at the expense of my own happiness. I check on their satisfaction, more than I assess my own. I do things and make changes to accommodate them. Their fulfillment automatically becomes more of a priority to me than my own. I work double time to help those who've never experienced happiness, get it. Feel it. Live it. 

Even when it costs me my own.

I realized this a few months ago when an outing to make myself happy, still lent itself to trying to make those I'm around happy. When I began to stress myself out checking on the enjoyment of those I'm with. When my own laughter is halted so I make sure everyone else is laughing. 

Looking out of my eye's side to check on their smiles. Listening closely to hear their laughter or sounds of disapproval. Being careful and strategic to agree or disagree with how they feel about a particular event at any particular moment. 

An outing, a trip, an excursion, a night dedicated to me, often shifts into me dedicating it to others.

And while this all just hit me recently, it's been this way for a long time. 

So this is to the summer of self and the three months I choose to cater to me. The summer of doing new things and not begging anyone to do them with me. The summer of travel, cookouts and tequila. The summer of doing what I want to do (in the confines of spiritual obedience) and not worrying about what others may think of it. Not worrying about the validation of others, the satisfaction of others, or the happiness of others over my own. It's to a summer of going places alone, traveling, and doing whatever the hell I want – with or without others. 

It's about making the decisions I want to make without worrying about it making others happy. It's about making me happy before anyone else. It's about going where I want to go, smiling how I want to smile and living how I want to live.

It's about me. My happiness. My enjoyment. My fulfillment.

This is to a summer of me and the fun, friendships and revelations it may bring. Cheers!