I Can't Believe I'm Doing This

This.

This event. This planning. This promotion. This entire thing.

I thought it all to myself after posting yet another event flyer on my Instagram page. After tracking the likes and shares on Facebook. After logging in to see ticket sales on Eventbrite. After debating whether to create a last minute promo video or to buy a few more sponsored post slots.

I can't believe I'm doing this, I thought to myself as I fought off anxiety and nervousness. As I counted down the days until my first event. As I recalled when this idea first came to me. I want to blame the two people who held me accountable for this idea. I also want to thank them.

I can't believe I'm doing this, I said as I typed out my biggest secrets and shared them with the world. It was what I sent in e-mails to friends asking them to tell me if I was sharing too much of myself, too soon. It was what echoed in my head as I pasted the link in social media and shared the content for all to see. 

I can't believe I'm doing this. The writing. The recording. The sharing. The growing. And, as much as I hate to admit it, the ministering.

I'm not a minister; this is not a ministry. I'm not an event planner. Shoot, I barely dub myself a writer. I'm simply a girl from CT, who, at some point, became unaware of her worth and made tons of mistakes before I learned to polish my crown. Before I even knew I had a crown. Before I knew that my experiences would help someone, somewhere find their own crown.

I can't believe I'm doing this. Stepping out on faith. Being led. Being obedient. Being hopeful. Being this person. This constantly evolving woman whose passion is often fluctuating but lies in helping women make better decisions and create their own happiness.

I can't believe I accepted this purpose laid before me. I can't believe it's become the source of my joy. I can't believe that I've been obsessively trying to figure out how to make this my career. This very self-made brand.

I can't believe I'm using my talents and gifts in a way that (hopefully) brings glory to God. I can't believe I'm serving Him. I can't believe I'm saving lives and self-love. Saving faith and hope. I can't believe my words are being quoted and resonating in the hearts of both women and men.

I can't believe I'm doing this. 

This.

This event. This planning. This promotion. This entire thing.

Because at one time my dream was to be a public relations phenom, but now, it's this. This much larger, much greater, much more fulfilling this. And I cannot believe I'm doing this.