“You focus so much on protecting yourself that you end up hurting people’s feelings in the process.”

It took a while for those words to settle into my spirit. At first I was resistant. “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about," I said sternly to myself as I unpacked the laundry from my car. But the more I recited those words in my head, the more I realized how true they were.

I’ve had such a challenging time dealing with conflict, accepting disappointment, and stepping outside of myself, that I didn’t consider the people I may be catching in the crossfire of my own protection. I’ve spent so much time finding my peace that I’ve irresponsibly eliminated any- and everything that stood in its way. I wasn’t ready to bear the emotional toll that cultivating and maintaining meaningful relationships required. I was resting on the utter depletion I felt in my teen years while being surrounded by people who couldn’t pour back into me, that I vowed to never enter that space again— even if that meant unintentionally hurting those around me.

This conviction didn’t come through the Holy Spirit, it came through the mouth of a friend who was bold enough to tell me the truth.

Those words helped me realize how much goodness I’d been keeping myself from because of fear. Fear of disappointment, fear of no reciprocation, fear of rejection. I protected myself in ways that felt good to me, but perhaps weren’t good for me, and may have been hurtful to those around me.

Those words stung, though. Despite how honest and truthful they were, it wasn’t easy to digest.

I would’ve never been able to receive that if I didn’t welcome the correction—no matter how painful it was. So often we get caught up in the way information is delivered to us, that we reject what is actually being said. We refuse to hear other’s perspectives of our behavior because we don’t like the way they’ve said it. But if you’re always caught up in how the correction is being delivered instead of what the correction is, how can you ever commit to improving yourself?

Sometimes it’s not that people are being intentionally hurtful, sometimes it’s that your feelings are just hurt.

Part of being on this faith walk, self-improvement marathon, self-discovery journey—whatever it is you’re working toward—is being able to receive correction in whatever way it comes. It’s being able to listen to the voice of those who care, and receive what they’re saying.

We can’t be so caught up in our mess or our hurt that we close ourselves off to the correction we desperately need. Not all conviction comes by way of the Holy Spirit; sometimes, God sends others to call us out on our stuff. Don’t let your bruised ego keep you from blooming.