I serve as the confidant to many people and a mentor to a few others, and throughout those various interactions I’ve noticed an interesting theme regarding their individuality. I found that some people are dying to be themselves, but are struggling figuring out how; with all the outside influence that we all take in each day, I can’t blame them.  Friends, parents, family, TV, music, fashion, movies – it all plays a role in how we think we should be and who we end up becoming, as individuals. The part that most people tend to forget, ironically, is that we are individuals, and their appearances, morals, personalities and emotions are that of their own.

So, how do you find, define and create yourself, you ask? Easy…

STOP THINKING OF YOURSELF IN CORRELATION TO other people.

You are not them and they are not you. Your experiences are not theirs. Your testimony is not theirs. Your deepest desires and dreams, should not be a result of someone else’s. Your greatest wishes and hopes should not be compared to someone else’s. Your focus is YOUR focus, and theirs is theirs. It’s important to remember that.

You can not use other people or society as a rulebook for what you should feel, what you should do or what you should think. Instead of trying to fit a predetermined mold based around someone else’s life or what society says is okay, you – as an individual – should be unapologetically you.

Today, I asked a few of my friends a question regarding their desires: If you could do anything in this world professionally and personally – what would it be? And though faced with a multitude of different answers, I was very intrigued by a common theme: their individuality.

The most beautiful thing about the responses I received were that they were all different. None of them were concerned with a societal norm when uncovering their most heartfelt happiness, or while sharing their most dreamed of desires. Their hopes were 100% from them. One of my friends even thanked me for asking because it allowed her to reflect on her true desires instead of the desires of the people she was working so hard to satisfy.

You were not created to be a replica. There was a reason God made you and the person you’re trying so hard to emulate. He created you both to be different! Go different places, seek different things, be different people. It’s alright to have someone you aspire to be like; but do not aspire to be. Your duty is to create the best version of you, not another version of someone else.

When you think of, identify and create these dreams, be sure that they are your own. Be sure that the clothes you wear and the style of your hair is that from your own imagination and not a fad someone else imposed on you. Make sure you free yourself in all that is you, and not someone else. There's beauty in the acknowledgement of your individuality.

When you find, create and define yourself, you look at the you behind closed doors, with the sweaty palms and hair tied up. We're looking at the you that no one else in this world sees. Dive into that person. Ask that uncensored, unashamed you who she truly is, who she truly wants to be and how she truly feels. Create and define yourself based on that uncovered you and live confidently in that discovery.

Comparing yourself to others is the quickest way to lose who you are. BE TRUE, BE YOU.