Since April, I've been perusing websites and Instagram accounts looking for the perfect haircut. I told myself that I want to enter my new year of life, well, new. I needed the months preceding August, to mentally prepare for the drastic change I was getting ready to make. So I started in April. Finding hairstylists and hairstyles that would capture exactly what I wanted, while letting go of the hair that was no longer necessary.

Hair has always been a big thing for me. Natural vs. relaxed, wigs vs weaves, ponytails vs. buns. I tried everything that allowed length into my life. I was even the type to hold on to my split ends just so I could say my hair is long; I grew out of that horrible habit a few years ago. I noticed however, that with all my hair manipulation - and not enough generous hair care - my hair was damaged. It was short in the front, long in the back. Uneven in some spots and broken off in others. I was tired of trying to hide it by parting it in ways that the damage couldn't be seen. I was tired of holding on to something that I didn't need, just for the sake of having it.

I do that in life sometimes, too. I hold on to people, places and things that have expired, just so I can say that it's there. I keep things around just in case I need it, somewhere in the future - even though in the pit of my stomach, I know I won't need it again. I hang on to the baggage for the unpredictable moments that may require me to go back.

Why would I even want to go back? 

I realized that God is moving me forward. And when He moves you forward, you don't have time to look back.

I no longer have time to hold on to the loose ends of life, and the dead particles that are: old 'friends' and situations. Much like my hair, I grew tired of trying to cover up life to make these associations seem healthier than they were. I got tired of trying to mask truths and cover my destructive thinking and self-bondage. Cutting my hair was pretty symbolic for me. It was about me letting go of the past - the past breakage, heat damage, over-processed, split-ended hair. It was me breaking free from the bondage of what I thought I should hang on to, even though I knew it was something I needed to get rid of. It was me ending my fear, and doing what needed to be done, to get to a much healthier state - mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. 

Cutting my hair was a representation of letting go.

It wasn't just me crossing the gateway to fierceness, it was me getting rid of what was no longer part of me. It was me entering a new phase.

Btw, the cut came out amazing! Cassy, of Salon Lavoughn International, was great; and well, God's even greater! Which makes this life and hair transition even better.